Am this messed up

I sit back at the haunt of failure
With reality lighting up my world
Life is a bed of thorny Cactus
And not meeting it's Quality n Value
leaves one more Pathetic.

Yes and I was a baby at first
I could crawl over every Offense
For I had strong defense
And here I am, with more regrets
more life secrets, And tired of Growing Up
Am silly in action, feeble in accountability
Yes for I had to lie over and over again
To act as if my life was all okay
Yet I was in the Mess that life is.

Indeed I couldn't agree any more
That change was the best concoction
To heal all the Pathogens of my existence
But too am still stuck,
At what life puzzle is all about
I stay good only to be Betrayed
Am frustrated for failing my immediate
I still don't know what I need
If life was reset again
More mistakes made me a guru
More fall out made me Mature

History judges my Hustle
Future castrating my ambitions
and present exposing my weaknesses
The faults of over expecting
Seasoned with the experience of deception And finally cured with Reality
Hope brightening my Life
And thankful is all I conclude